Not So Blonde

Adieu?

So when I said I thought I was ready to give up the blog, I meant it. This isn’t some idle threat to get anyone to say: No! Don’t go!

I’m just over it. And when I’m over something, it’s hard to come back and convince myself differently.

One part that keeps me hanging on is I think I’ll need the blog some day, or I’ll miss it. But I just as quickly think: But I don’t miss it, really. I can tell you how many times I thought of my blog on that 2 week break and that would be, um, none.

The other thing keeping me going is that I’ll miss my blogging peeps because I love so many of you. And that is the one and only reason I’ll hold off on my decision for a couple more weeks.

I know, you’re crying over there. Rivers of tears.

R said the funniest thing when I saw him this last time: Bloggers always think they think of things first. Like no one did it before them, but there’s only so many ways people can express themselves.

Amen, brother.

More and more I see the same things over and over. Paragraphs of speech that all sound the same, and I think of myself first and foremost when I say that.

I don’t feel that I’m really saying anything original anymore.

I miss R more than I can ever express. I hate this teen thing more than I care to share. I don’t have much more to say.

It’s been over 4 years. The length of my relationship with R. I can’t believe I stuck with it this long.

R asked me recently what I would do if we ever broke up. I thought about it, got a little choked up but turned to him and said: I’d be devastated. But I’ve dealt with worse. I’d move on.

I think it’s my time to move on. From blogging, that is. R won’t be rid of me that easily.

Speaking of… R’s and my (self appointed) new anthem:

It’s been real, folks. See you soon. Maybe. ;)

Double Gulp

I feel so out of touch. When I’m at work, it’s not like I can cruise online at my leisure and when I’m at home, my time online is numbered. How is everyone? If you’re not on Flickr, I’ve probably neglected you. Flickr is my crack. I’m glad the kid has been at my place so much and all but damn. We really need a better modem. It’s on the list…

Speaking of lists… I need to be quick.

• The kid’s room is coming together.
• I bought stuff but haven’t really done anything with it yet.
• For instance, the area rug is still in the trunk of my car.
• Since Friday.
• Living on the 3rd floor doesn’t make me or the kid want to trudge that shit up here.
• It’s that damn HEAT!
• We’ll get it together.
• He starts school Monday.
• Gulp.
• Y’all, I can’t even tell you the range of emotions I’m feeling having a kid starting high school.
• We went clothes shopping at Old Navy.
• He picked a few things he liked.
• I was going to pick things out for him.
• But, I stared at all the men’s (sigh) clothes and realized…
• I can’t pick anything out for this young man anymore.
• It made me kind of sad.
• I took him with me and let him choose.
• Bittersweet.
• I’m having moments in Old Navy, y’all!
• MOMENTS!
• At Old Navy!
• Hey, better than K-Momo.
• Where the step-mom would have taken him.
• That’s mean.
• She just never really buys him stuff he likes.
• Camo G-Unit shirt?
• Matching Camo G-Unit shoes?
• No.
• Oh, this will be the first year since pre-K the kid has not worn uniforms.
• Double gulp.
• The kid never wants me spending money on things…
• That take away from video game fundage.
• Me thinks this will change in high school.
• You know, girls.
• Triple gulp.
• The kid is on the football team.
• As much as this freaks me out…
• I’m excited to see him play a sport he hasn’t played before.
• I miss R terribly.
• But I’ve been so busy with work…
• Getting the kid ready for high school…
• Taking care of me…
• It makes it easier.
• A little.
• Every time he texts…
• Or calls…
• My heart leaps.
• Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder.
• Or, maybe I’m still very much in love.
• For that, I’m extremely grateful.
• A far cry from my past relationships of 90 days or less.
• Three months in, people stop being polite…
• And start getting real.
• It truly astounds me I care so much for another person after all this time.
• That I didn’t give birth to.
• Or I’m related to.
• You have to love them!
• I cleaned out my closet this weekend.
• Two and 1/2 (kitchen) trash bags of clothes, gone.
• I usually take them to Goodwill.
• But this stuff?
• Didn’t belong in my closet for a very long time.
• It’s still really hard to get rid of things.
• You remember the time you wore something and had a great night.
• Or how much it cost.
• Never mind the fact you haven’t worn it in 3 years.
• I tossed everything faded…
• Overly worn…
• Stained…
• That “stained” thing should be a given.
• But I always think I need stuff to wear around the house.
• But why do I want to wear stained stuff?
• Even around the house?
• I also threw out a bunch of stuff from Target and the Gap.
• Oh, please… not the current Target stuff.
• Just the items that have worn out their wearing.
• You know what I’m talking about.
• I seem to have a lot of clothes that have a limited shelf life.
• I’m going to stop doing that.
• I’m grown and stuff.
• Need to start acting like it.
• It feels good to care more about myself.
• Now, to just get back to the gym.
• Gotta go.
• Need to let the kid play now.
• He’s anxious.
• He only has a week of summer left.
• Did I already say “gulp”?