Let’s get the embarrassing part out of the way first…

We’ll move to the “mortifying” portion in a bit.

I cried.

In the Principal’s office.

In Dr. (Very Professional) D’s office.

Rest assured, M was not in the room when I made a spectacle of myself, so there’s that. Let me also say, I didn’t blubber but I did let a few tears fall where they may…

M’s dad was running late so Dr. D and I had about 10 minutes alone. He was sweet, handed me tissue, told me not to blame myself, said it’s not the end of the road for M and the program.

I could go on and on about it, in fact, I did. But I’ll just save that particular post in my drafts and give you the highlights.

There is nothing worse than seeing your kid upset and there’s not shit you can do about it. That was pretty much the gist of the whole meeting.

The mature part of me should probably not share this, but, the bitchy part will… since I suspect it was a big reason why Mrs. Baby Phat Einstein didn’t show her face at this particular conference.

The one and only reason why M can’t continue with the program is due to his continued failing grade in Algebra II. Math sucks. Except for you smartie pants out there that math comes easy to you, I know you’re out there! You lucky ducks!

Apparently, Mrs. BPE is one of those mathematical geniuses-amongst-us. She has never failed to mention this fact in every previous meeting we’ve had so the last time the dad and I talked on the phone I asked some pointed questions.

“Does (your wife) sit down with M and tutor him in math?”
“Did the friend you said you knew, the mathematician, come by like you said he would and help M with his math homework?”
“Do you get up early in order to get M to school before 7am so he can attend the tutoring sessions offered by his instructor?”

No, no and no. I’d stay away, too, if I were her. Don’t come if you’re just going to talk. Talk is cheap.

Another highlight: Dr. D asked if M pulled back from his classes once he knew he’d have to be withdrawn from the program and M said no, he told Dr. D it made him work harder.

Normally, I never speak for M when he and Dr. D are speaking directly to each other but this time, I did.

I thought it important for Dr. D to know M attended a Biology tutoring session in preparation for his final, a session that started at 8am this past Saturday and lasted all day. I don’t know about you but that’s about the last thing I’d want to do with my time. On a Saturday. At age 14. Or, 36.

Dr. D was visibly taken aback by this and said, “Wow. That shows a true depth of character, M.”

Cue my heart thumping out of my chest with pride: *thump thump thump*

Dr. D went on some more about how M was easily the most improved amongst all of the students in the program, but a step back is necessary for his education, for college, and for his future.

We get it. Thanks for playing.

Not to sound flippant but it’s hard. Honestly, I don’t care what M does. He could take regular classes, he could take AP classes, he could take French (a desire he mentioned and was promptly shot down by his dad), he could pick up violin, ballet. I DON’T CARE. If my son is happy, I’m happy. End of story.

Now to the mortifying part. Other than the dad, once again, talked more about himself than he did M in Dr. D’s office. Here we are, AGAIN, wasting Dr. D’s valuable time listening to Bymoron speak at length of his misbegotten baseball career. Much ado about nothing. Other than a multitude of base on balls.

After Dr. D’s session, we moved to M’s guidance counselor’s office to reassign his classes for the upcoming semester.

This is when it became real for M, and I could tell he was getting more upset. His eyes got the cast of wanting to cry, but he stayed strong and we got through it.

Bridget asked M what his favorite class was in Univ HS and M said Creative Writing. Sadly, not offered in the regular HS curriculum. Piss.

Dr. D popped his head in and asked how it was going and I appreciated it. I could tell he cares. I know he wants to see M back in the program his Sophomore year.

Bridget suggested that M may be a good candidate to be a writer for the school paper, despite the fact that Freshman are rarely allowed to participate.

Bridget asked M if it was something he’d truly be interested in. If so, she’d go to bat for him since his circumstances are a bit different than normal and she wanted to give him something to be excited about.

M completely perked up but I still asked if he was serious about it enough to have Bridget lobby on his behalf. He said yes, that he thought he’d enjoy it. I mentioned that Uncle Jay was on his own HS and college newspapers and he’d be a great source of help and information. My brother Jay is a brilliant writer, if I do say so myself.

This is when… wait for it…

The dad couldn’t take that we spoke of anyone’s abilities without interjecting something about himself so he piped up with:

“I write screenplays. I’m a screenwriter.”

Kill me now. Let the ground swallow me up, and let the world forget I ever thought this man was worthy enough to date, much less marry. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

After we got M’s classes squared away M, his dad and I walked to our cars and M went home with his dad. Not before I hugged him, said I was proud of him, told him I’d support him with everything he was willing to work for and we’d get through it. We will get through it.

On the way home, I stopped for a Happy Meal, washed my kid-sized cheeseburger down with a glass of wine and watched Real Housewives of OC. Just another day in the life.

Insomniac Maniac

I can’t sleep and since I left you all hanging I’d figured I’d pop in for a bit. I don’t think I could have picked a worse time to try and start blogging regularly again considering this month is busy as a mofo. Wait, is a mofo busy? Well, THIS mofo is busy.

Some random thoughts going thru my mind:

  • The teen can’t seem to bring up his math grade.
  • We’re having a meeting tomorrow to discuss putting him back into a regular Freshman math class.
  • I’m not happy about this.
  • Not that I don’t think he needs to go back to the regular math class, he does.
  • But in doing so he’s going to be out of the Univ. HS program.
  • Which makes no sense to me since the rest of his classes will still be AP.
  • M is upset about it.
  • I’ve talked with him about it a lot and have told him we’ll get thru this year.
  • And see where we stand once he completes his Frosh (I love that word) year.
  • If the dad says one more time, “He’s almost ready to drive…”
  • Or, “He’s almost graduated…”
  • He’s almost nothing, but almost a 15 year old kid that needs a teensy bit more support from his dad.
  • It drives me insane.
  • The dad is blaming M and I think it’s ridiculous.
  • High school, especially an AP program, takes support from EVERYONE.
  • You don’t just throw the kid in and say: SINK OR SWIM, BUDDY!
  • I couldn’t even look at the dad when he was talking to me the other day.
  • I wanted to punch him in his stupid face.
  • How am I going to get thru this meeting tomorrow without a) punching him in his stupid face b) crying or c) giving the side eye to the step-mom by way of silently communicating, “Why are you HERE?”
  • Oh wait, I’ll probably do c).
  • Neither of them have done anything they said they’d do to help M besides put it all back on M.
  • I kind of hate them both.
  • It’s not very mature of me.
  • F maturity.
  • R, for the first time ever, has told me something he wants for Christmas.
  • Sweaters.
  • Where the F do you buy sweaters for a big man such as R?
  • And he said sweaters, as in plural.
  • So I need to find more than one.
  • I came up with a couple of things I want to get him but he’ll be deployed soon-ish.
  • I don’t want to load him down with crap that he’s either a) going to have to put in storage or b) take with him.
  • He won’t take much with him.
  • R is a very light traveler.
  • He better take those damn sweaters, though.
  • Sweaters.
  • WTF?
  • I told him I wanted a Blackberry.
  • And perfume.
  • And a new Michael Kors bag.
  • To which he laughed and said, “Okay, now you’re pushing it.”
  • I knew I was, I was mostly joking.
  • But if he happens to find that white one I’ve had my eye on at the NEX, so be it.
  • I’m not holding my breath.
  • I don’t really want it.
  • Or need it.
  • But I want the perfume.
  • Any perfume.
  • I told him I wanted this one, I’ve told him about it before.
  • But I changed my mind and said to pick something he likes.
  • God help me.
  • Ha.
  • R likes none of my perfumes, really.
  • So I’d like to wear something he likes.
  • Even if he won’t be around to smell it on me.
  • I’m not depressed about him leaving.
  • Yet.
  • I’m in a suspended reality where I’m used to him being gone.
  • But with him still relatively safe being state-side.
  • Most of the time.
  • Most of the time being state-side, that is.
  • Probably safe, too, come to think of it.
  • R goes places and does things that he can’t always tell me about, until after the fact.
  • It doesn’t really bother me.
  • Until he tells me things that he does that I could have lived without knowing.
  • So to clarify: It doesn’t bother me, when I don’t really know what’s going on.
  • I always pretend he’s in San Diego no matter where he is anyway.
  • Denial? I’m okay with it.
  • Living this life is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
  • And no one really understands unless they go thru it themselves.
  • I would not trade it for anything, though.
  • Every time I get down that he’s gone,
  • And we haven’t been able to talk for a couple of weeks,
  • I’ll read a few old emails.
  • Or look at photos of us together.
  • Or listen to our song (we finally decided on one).
  • And I’ll remember…
  • He’s worth it.
  • It’s 3:30am.
  • Maybe I’ll be able to sleep for a couple of hours.
  • Let’s hope.
  • I’ll let Adele sing me to sleep…