Not So Blonde

Someone needs to tell…

- Feath that we broke up. He had a little stank attitude the other day and now that he’s over it, I gotta put the kibosh on the not-quite-an-affair affair. I can get ‘tude from my boyfriend. My not-so-secret gym flirting partner, on the other hand, must be all smiles/all the time.

- Said boyfriend it’s not cute to bug the shit out of me while I’m making dinner, crack jokes about how long it’s taking, comment on what I’m preparing… and then take 4 years (read: 5 minutes but 4 years in Mary time and that’s all there is to it) to come sit at the table. I WILL start eating without you! Oh, he already knows that part. *tongue out*

- The kid to stop growing. And if he can’t somehow accomplish that, to please stop standing back to back with me and flailing his hands around (while I’m busy doing shit) for the sole purpose of telling me - he’s taller than I am. Yes, I know. I noticed when I stared up at him and said, “Eat your veggies.” And he peered down and replied, “Not today, mother.”

- These bad ass cats they can bad ass their way back to the wild if they want to keep up this badassness (word? word!) kick they’re on. The Russki has decimated one of my bamboo stalks… that I’ve had for FOUR YEARS!!! It’s the only plant I’ve never killed! Arrrrrrgggghhh!!

- Carey Hart that once you get married, you’re supposed to STOP fucking every chick that happens past. And tell Bymoron (the baby daddy) that, too. Wait, I think he might have learned that lesson. ONE WOULD HOPE.

- Kellogg’s to stop making these damn Bliss Bars before I bliss my ass back into a size 16. I have worked too long and too hard to be brought down by some oats, dried fruit and chocolate! Dammit. Yeah I know they’re (allegedly) only 90 calories but that shit adds up! When you want to eat one with every damn meal! Okay!

- B. Scott he’s crazy! His damn dancehall Paw Paw remix (HGE - what!) had me laughing on the treadmill at the gym tonight. Laughing on the treadmill? Oh yes, honey. *two snaps*

- Everyone that left comments in the below post a huge thank you! I will add each and every one to my gym playlist!

- Scott Baio that he crossed the line into complete ridiculousness on the latest episode of his show: Scott Baio is 46 and a Commitment Phobic Asshole. He’s touring the hospital maternity ward with his very pregnant girlfriend when he had to sit down. Because he was going to faint! Uh, who’s having the baby again?

-VH1 that between Scott’s dumbass, Bret’s old haggard beat up blond Janice Dickerson looking self, Flav’s - um, I really have no words for Flav - and let’s not forget Chris’s smarmy ass… this is getting kinda, well, old. Watching ancient ass dudes in quests for love and having babies is not the sexy. These dudes should have taken care of these things back in the stone age when they were still relevant. Next!

- Bravo that Jack better win Fan Favorite on the Project Runway reunion show Wednesday night - or else! *shake fist*

- Natasha Henstridge that I have been nursing a major girl crush on her for years and I think she’s totally hot and if I could be her, I totally would. Sigh.

- R that I think it’s really sweet that he’s been making me a mug full of tea (with milk and honey) before bed every night.

- Y’all good night. A bee is sleepy.

Help Wanted

I feel that I should post something even though I don’t really have much to talk about. And, in fact, I’m quite tired. I can’t figure out the tired bit because I’ve drank ten tons of coffee today. The more I drink, the more tired I get.

I believe the only answer must be is that not only does caffeine stop working, but, reverses itself to deliver you right back to where you started - tired.

*stifle yawn*

Has anyone seen No Reservations? I really want to order since it’s been offered on PPV but I have to do so when R isn’t around. And to be so complicit as to order a chick flick behind R’s back, I’d like to know that it’s at least worth it.

I think Aaron Eckhardt is a hottie to the tenth power, I can take or leave C. Zeta-Jones (mostly leave) but I think the one thing that’s keeping me from ordering the damn thing is Abigail Breslin. To be honest, I’m kind of sick of this girl. She’s everybody’s snarky daughter/niece/sister and it’s just getting to be a little much. Beyonce Alert! Overexposure Imminent!

Speaking of PPV movies, R and I ordered The Brave One this weekend. Let me first say, I didn’t hate it. That is, as much as R did. The movie was a tad on the lengthy side which lead to R intermittently barking out, “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS MOVIE IS STILL ON!!!”

Maybe I didn’t have such a problem with it since this guy (hot) and Terrence Howard (hotter) were both in it. I do love me some Terrence Howard despite the fact I think he’s nuttier than a fruitcake in real life. I mean, I can’t get over the murse. I can’t. My eyes have forever been burned with the image. Can.not.compute.man.purse.

R attempted to further diminish T. Howard’s (what’s with the initials today you ask? Read the first paragraph again - TIRED) hotness by saying when he talks, he always sounds like he’s about to cry. Oh R, silly boy. Don’t you know we women love a sensitive man? *smirk*

Anyway. Damn. Back to the movie. So it’s long and (I would say) fairly interesting but all the bad luck that befell Jodie Foster’s character was RIDICUROUS! After a while, it started to feel as if Jodie was caught in a video game and had one of those big flashing targets surrounding her as she ran around New York City - when her ass should have just stayed at home, for once. Okay!

Seriously, if you had never been to NYC and saw this movie, you’d be afraid to go. Granted, her dumbass did go looking for trouble a time or two but there was also a time or two where she was just minding her own vigilante business and victims are practically falling in her damn lap. Crazy, I tell you. CRAZY!

We should have ordered No Reservations.

Other than PPV keeping me more busy than it should, I have been one music downloading fool lately! I have kept up the hour (sometimes 50-55 minutes but come on!) of cardio at the gym the past few days. There is one thing an hour of cardio is and that’s: BORING. Even R said *wait for it, wait for it* an hour of cardio is boring.

Upon hearing R deem anything gym-related as “boring”, I subsequently fell on the floor, crawled around until I found a red pen, located a 2008 calender, marked that glorious day as Red! Letter! Day! and then fell into my beloved arms and smiled while murmuring: “Thank you. Thank you for finally agreeing with me.”

So you see, both of us can’t be wrong, now can we? Due to the boring aspect of all-things-cardio, I have had to switch up playlists, like, every damn day. No joke. I’ve discovered that I like more than one song from Mary’s latest (late to the Mary party, sue me) and she has her fair share of upbeat tracks. WHO KNEW? Y’all certainly didn’t tell me! Haters!

What else? A couple of Britney’s, Janet’s new one and for some reason only known to myself and my psyche, I dig Mariah’s new one. Oh, yeah… and that’s not all… Push by Enrique makes me feel like a sexy bitch on the treadmill, for realz. Sexy? Treadmill? Yes! Stop it right now, Enrique, just stop… *fans self*

All this to say, today’s assignment is to leave me some song suggestions in the comments. It has to be pretty upbeat since it’s for the gym, after all. That E. Iglesias jam is about as slow as I want to get (and I already said I can’t explain the Mariah…) I kinda let that E sneak under the wire though because, well, he’s hot.

Okay munchkins, get to typing. Old, new… doesn’t matter. Your blast from the past might bring back some great memories. That, and keeping my ass moving on the elliptical - is there anything better? I think not.

Happy Monday, folks.