From no money to mo’ money
* The title is © R, he said it on the phone tonight when we were discussing my salary at the day job.
I’m freaking tired, yo. The manager at the bar asked me to come in last night to brush up on my bartending skills since I haven’t done it in a while. We’re extremely short-staffed and she needs me to bartend over waitressing on really busy nights. She and I ordered pizza and laughed at some weirdos (this girl got all salty with me because she felt $3 was way too much for draft beer. How much is draft beer where y’all go? Seriously). I was beat and had to cut out about 11. I would have stayed later but I already put in 10 hours at the office earlier and plus I hate, HATE, being sleepy cube-side. The day job is working my brain in ways that have not been worked before so I need to be on top of things.
I really enjoy both my jobs, I feel extremely blessed to find 2 situations as close to as ideal as can be. Why, it’s almost easy to hustle 6 days a week. Almost. *wink* Everyone at the office and the bar are so nice and both environments are comfortable to work in. Well, the bar isn’t always comfortable when we’re packed, but, hey. More opportunity to find money on the floor when it’s crowded. Heh.
I was in such a good mood after my fruitful weekend that I neglected to inform you that I had to kick a dude out Friday. Me, personally, kick him out because the bouncer on alternating Fridays is worthless (the 2 other bouncers have our backs). A doesn’t like to have to do anything besides crossword puzzles and schmoozing of the ladies. Clue: You’re a bouncer, soooo BOUNCE.
This guy I kicked out is disgusting, y’all. The old man in the club to the fullest and so sleazy looking. He was all over me, invading my space one time that I had gotten off early and he would not take no for an answer (I’m a classy man and I need a classy woman such as yourself…) *gag* He’s the type that even if you’re being nice yet turning him down, he’ll walk away shouting, “You ain’t shit anyway!” This slimeball is always talking about what a pimp he is and how he can’t settle for just one woman but I’m telling you, the only woman that would settle for him is a hooker and he’d have to pay her double.
I noticed he was up to his old coming-on-way-too-strong tricks with one of the female regulars who I gab with and love to wait on, she’s super cool. El Slimo was making her so uncomfortable that she asked me to put a stop to it - I took her drink order (first thing’s first) and said I’d be right back, hopefully to roust the “bouncer” from his post at the door. In the meantime, I bring the drink (house martinis are the shit) back to the girl’s table. It happened to be right off the dance floor and El Slimo had grabbed some poor unsuspecting hooker, I mean, girl to get his boogie on with.
El Slimo is shooting fingers towards the girl at the table, doing that nasty flick-y thing with his tongue (never a good look), making kissy faces - ew ew ew. Goosebumps! EW! I have to say the last straw was when he practically threw his ass on the girl’s table. It was the most disgusting display I have ever witnessed and trust me, I’ve witnessed a lot of disgusting displays. I stood there staring in awe for a brief moment then I had seen ENOUGH. I swept my arm towards him (without touching him. Ew ew!) and yelled, “BACK UP!” (This is so hilarious to me, really. I’m the most UN-confrontational person there is but working at this bar is turning me into SUCH a bitch. I kinda like it, though. Anywho…) Too-old-to-be-shaking-his-ass-in-the-club-like-that-anydamnway yells back, “I ain’t doing shit but dancing!”
Me: You’re bothering the people at this table and I’m asking you nicely to control yourself.
El Slimo: I’m not bothering anyone - you need to control yourself and get out of my face.
I’m getting pissed now. The adrenaline is pumping. I thought briefly of throwing my tray at him, I was that fired up but there were 2 full martinis (for another table) on it and you can’t be going around wasting good alcohol like that.
Me: See, now you’re bothering me and you’re going to have to leave. *stern face*
El Slimo: I’m not going anywhere til this song is over. *twirl* *hop* *cha-cha*
Me: *2 inches from his yucky face* NO, you will leave NOW.
At this point, the “bouncer” shows up with this - Durrr. Which way did he go, which way did he go - look on his face. He actually had the nerve to ask, “Who did you want me to kick out?” UHHH. I don’t know. El Slimo that’s yelling in my face, maybe? *eye roll*
Dude finally leaves on his own accord. He probably even knew the “bouncer” wasn’t going to do anything but he’d cut his losses anyway and just leave. The funny part is, El Slimo comes in the very next night and said he ran out of gas outside our bar and begged to borrow $10 from the bartender for enough gas money to get home. P-i-m-p, eh? B-r-o-k-e f-u-c-k-e-r more like.
I’m going to two Christmas parties this year and I’m so excited. The first is for the bar and it’s being held at Durant’s. I’ve always wanted to go but have never been and I was even thinking of taking R for a treat his next visit. How coincidental is that? I’m glad I can check the place out before taking R there because he is one picky mofo. Except when it comes to my cooking, of course. When I cook he always says, “Mmmm… This is really good, honey.” Picky YET smart. I love that in a man.
The other party is for the office job and it is being held at Pointe Tapatio Cliffs. I’m really looking forward to this one, too. Not just ’cause I get to dress up and my man will be there with me although that is definitely the high points. Yay! I say, YAY!
READER PARTICIPATION ALERT
The bar is doing a Secret Santa gift exchange and I drew my big boss, the male manager. He’s really nice although I knew he’d be kind of hard to shop for - aren’t men usually hard to shop for? I asked N (secret? psshaw!) what she thought I should get him and she told me he’s a gourmet cook so something along those lines. *puzzled* I know he always drinks Grand Marnier but it’s pretty redundant to buy him alcohol when we all work in a bar. Any suggestions? There’s a $20 limit.
The office party is doing the White Elephant gift thing. Hmmm… I was thinking of that Jones Soda Holiday Set I saw at Target but I’m sure someone else would get it and I have to be original, dammit. Basically, I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET, KIDS! Wrack your brains!
Okay, I talked to my man. I posted. My night is complete. Time to hit the hay. Everyone have a wonderful weekend and think happy thoughts that I may win the floor lottery at the bar again! Whoo hoo! Night!
