Proof is in the Crackers
I’m not even going to try and front… this month has sucked. I wasn’t going to talk about it but it’s gotten to the point where I probably have to talk about it, if for no other reason than to get word out and possibly someone has a contact here in Phoenix Fucking Arizona.
I got laid off. Again. It’s incredibly embarrassing, and I haven’t been very public about it at all. Part of me knows the economy sucks and part of me thinks it’s me and I make really poor decisions.
I say that because every time I’m faced with a job search, I usually have at least 2 or more offers. I had been lucky in that respect but the luck seems to stop at the actual offers and then my dumbassery kicks in when it comes to decision time. There’s just no other explanation.
I have become that zombie woman that I always try to avoid becoming, that I know is lurking under the surface. The one that always feels braced for something bad to happen. But, she’s here now (um, 3rd person. Lovely!) I feel beat down by life and I’m at a loss to even know where to pick up the pieces.
It’s not a huge help that R has finally deployed (I say finally because it was inevitable), or that I’m PMS’ing. ha. That damn Aunt Flo, she’s ALWAYS on time. Kind of like BILLS.
Anyway, that’s all I’m going to say about it since I really can’t stand to dwell on either one more than I have to, it kinda sorta drives me crazy.
The teen and I went to the store the other day and I grew impatient waiting in a line that housed a checker so we went and got in line at the *gasp* self check-out. I hate self check-out for innumerable reasons I won’t delve into but just know this: Self check-out hates me. And the feeling is mutual.
At the end of the transaction, which took 4 times longer than if someone who ACTUALLY WORKED AT THE STORE rang me up, there was a flashing message on the monitor to check my receipt for an important message.
“What the fuck is that?”, I thought. “What could they possibly be annoying me with now??”
I look on the mile long receipt and printed on the bottom is a warning I MAY HAVE purchased food items that MAY contain salmonella. Big brother is watching with those frequent shopper cards, cards that R refuses to use with his own information as he doesn’t like anyone being privy to his shopping habits. Of course, being in the military and having Big Brother privy to EVERYTHING ELSE doesn’t seem to bother him.
I shove the receipt in my purse and apprise the kid of the situation. The kid says, “Oh hey, if I eat one, can I miss school tomorrow?”
My reply, “You’ll miss school FOREVER! Don’t even think about eating one!” M said he was joking but I’m not too sure about that. *tap chin* Not too sure at all…
I convince myself the warning is probably wrong the whole drive home. That the kid and I did not have in our household these innocuous looking cheese/peanut butter crackers that were, in fact, tainted. I just ate some for a late night snack a couple of days before! I mean, sure, I felt like shit the day after but that seems to be par for the course as of late… it couldn’t have been… nooooo!
I get home and one of my homie’s called… that reminds me of this song:
*bounce* *rock*
Where were we? Okay. So Ali and I were chatting away (she’s one of the few that knew about all of my drama) when I grabbed the crackers out of the pantry.
I’m steady talking and trying to match numbers and so far, nothing doing. Keep scrolling and the bottom line- bingo! We have a match!
I yell into the phone: “I’m jobless, R is deployed and now I have TAINTED FUCKING CRACKERS in my house! WILL IT EVER END?”
Ali paused to gauge my reaction, was I really melting down… over crackers? Were they the proverbial straw that broke this camel’s back?
I started laughing which was Ali’s cue to start laughing, too. We laughed for a good 5 minutes over those stupid tainted crackers and when the laughing finally subsided Ali breathed, “Girl, you are CRAZY!”
If only the lottery were this easy.
20 Responses to “Proof is in the Crackers”
Nicola on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
Well the good news is, these things some in threes, so nothing more can go wrong! Seriously though, sucks about your job, I feel awful for you, I hope something new comes along quickly. Will keep thinking of you and R and hoping everything turns out for the best.
Nicola on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
some in threes? *come in threes…. it’s late, I’m tired, have headache… gah
Joa on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
And I laugh with you!!! LATE but with you!
glad you found them and got rid of them. That shit is a hot mess. Actually, that happened to me once with cat food.
Londa Elle on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
So sorry to hear about the job, Mary; I was wondering what had happened to you. I’ve been wanting to change jobs desperately, but given the state of the economy, was afraid of exactly this very thing happening to me if I did. I really don’t think you can blame poor decision making on YOUR part. These are crazy times right now and companies are doing crazy things to survive. I’ll bet there’s a great job out there for you, just waiting for you to stumble on it :)
Oh, and nice of them to remind you about the peanut butter crackers; had you eaten more of them, that could have been another chapter in the story…
Hang in there, GF.
Rhonda on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
That layoff drama sucks ass. I will keep my ears open for any jobs. As for the cracker thing, Tom would have probably had the same reaction as M and tried to eat some to miss work :)
S on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
I’m going to send you a message on FB…..
trac on Jan 24, 2009 | Reply
I think we talked about this once (loooong time ago) but please PLEASE look into working for the State (specifically, the welfare office, so I won’t be in misery alone)- no for real though, the economy the way it is- those are the jobs where right now? Might be way stable. Seriously.
Let me do an internet search for you…hold on…..
Ok:
https://secure.azstatejobs.gov/
The one thing I learned, even though Texas went through that whole “hey, we are going to lay you off! Oh! Nevermind!”- and you remember that right? Now that all that madness has passed, they are hiring left and right ’round here, and I’m sure Arizona is feeling it too to some extent.
OH here, here’s more:
https://secure.azstatejobs.gov/pljb/global_jsp/applicant/SearchAgentMgr/SearchProcess.jsp?pljbHome=/azgovjobs/mainjb/applicant/index.jsp&searchaction=Search
Child Support office isn’t a bad gig either- and the ONLY reason I haven’t jumped over there is because after 17 years where I am, I’d take a pay cut.
Message me on facebook or myspace if you want my number if you want more info on the whole state thing.
….and I LOATHE self checkout as well.
smooches!
Toshiko on Jan 25, 2009 | Reply
I have a site for you as well… http://www.wahm.com I’m not a work at home mom but I look to see if I can fit in anywhere!
I hope something comes through for you soon.
Kari on Jan 25, 2009 | Reply
You know - some days I just want to ask for a damn refund on life because those boughts of bad luck just seem to pour out rather than trickle.
I wish I knew the purpose of this having to happen to you over and over so I could go kick it’s ass for being so mean.
If nothing else take pleasure in the imagery of me screaming obsanities at self checkouts and throwing peanut butter crackers out the car window at suspicious parties.
Hang in there!
dmac on Jan 26, 2009 | Reply
hey mary,
sorry to hear about the layoff, but i 2nd trac working for the state. stability, stability, and stability….especially if you work at the employment office.
Hot Girl Extraordinaire on Jan 26, 2009 | Reply
I actually have a positive side for this post.
If you get sick, it will probably be very mild since you only had a couple of crackers.
And after you recover you can sue the factory in the class action lawsuit and be set for the next 5 years!
Veronica on Jan 26, 2009 | Reply
I’m about to start looking for a job myself. My boss told me they were thinking of cutting our hours so the writing is on the wall.
nancy k on Jan 26, 2009 | Reply
i am sorry about the job, girlie bird. job hunting sucks! sometimes when it rains, it pours. here’s hoping your next downfall will be good stuffs.
that said, wtf girlie? little debbie? barf!
Sassy on Jan 26, 2009 | Reply
Wow, talk about having a lot on your plate…Are you drinking lots of yummy adult beverages? because that is what I would be doing. I hope it all comes together for you soon darling, the right permanent job is out there somewhere waiting for you.
You know how to reach me if you need anything. Love ya!
midori on Jan 26, 2009 | Reply
i’m so sorry about the layoff :( this economy suck three nuts, it’s insane.
i also hate self-checkout. i always seem to screw something up whenever i use it =\
courtney on Jan 27, 2009 | Reply
We need to have a conversation…and bitch about all the bad shit that has happened to us this month. I swear I thought I was cursed…lemme stop before some other shit happens… *pulls covers back over head*…
Evil Charity on Jan 29, 2009 | Reply
Rather bummed to read your not so great news…please try not to second guess yourself about choices you’ve made in the past. You made the right decision at the time given the information available (you can’t see into the future, can you? if so, strike that last sentence).
I hate those stupid self check out things. I swear, the line is always longer than the regular checkout. And, they suck.
Char on Feb 20, 2009 | Reply
Damn girl, that’s all I can say.
sid on Mar 11, 2009 | Reply
You know what? I never got around to commenting on this, and for that I am so sorry to be so late to the game: I’m sorry you’re going through so much right now, lady! I am sending good vibes your way, ya hear? This was NOT your fault, you are a brilliant and fierce woman, damnit. You. Will. Emerge. TRIUMPHANT!
We should do drunk tweeting e-dates once you get settled.
I swear I was not drinking when I wrote this :)
Veronica on Mar 26, 2009 | Reply
OMG I miss your blog! I hate not knowing what’s going on in your life. Come back Mare!