Not So Blonde

Insomniac Maniac

I can’t sleep and since I left you all hanging I’d figured I’d pop in for a bit. I don’t think I could have picked a worse time to try and start blogging regularly again considering this month is busy as a mofo. Wait, is a mofo busy? Well, THIS mofo is busy.

Some random thoughts going thru my mind:

• The teen can’t seem to bring up his math grade.
• We’re having a meeting tomorrow to discuss putting him back into a regular Freshman math class.
• I’m not happy about this.
• Not that I don’t think he needs to go back to the regular math class, he does.
• But in doing so he’s going to be out of the Univ. HS program.
• Which makes no sense to me since the rest of his classes will still be AP.
• M is upset about it.
• I’ve talked with him about it a lot and have told him we’ll get thru this year.
• And see where we stand once he completes his Frosh (I love that word) year.
• If the dad says one more time, “He’s almost ready to drive…”
• Or, “He’s almost graduated…”
• He’s almost nothing, but almost a 15 year old kid that needs a teensy bit more support from his dad.
• It drives me insane.
• The dad is blaming M and I think it’s ridiculous.
• High school, especially an AP program, takes support from EVERYONE.
• You don’t just throw the kid in and say: SINK OR SWIM, BUDDY!
• I couldn’t even look at the dad when he was talking to me the other day.
• I wanted to punch him in his stupid face.
• How am I going to get thru this meeting tomorrow without a) punching him in his stupid face b) crying or c) giving the side eye to the step-mom by way of silently communicating, “Why are you HERE?”
• Oh wait, I’ll probably do c).
• Neither of them have done anything they said they’d do to help M besides put it all back on M.
• I kind of hate them both.
• It’s not very mature of me.
• F maturity.
• R, for the first time ever, has told me something he wants for Christmas.
• Sweaters.
• Where the F do you buy sweaters for a big man such as R?
• And he said sweaters, as in plural.
• So I need to find more than one.
• I came up with a couple of things I want to get him but he’ll be deployed soon-ish.
• I don’t want to load him down with crap that he’s either a) going to have to put in storage or b) take with him.
• He won’t take much with him.
• R is a very light traveler.
• He better take those damn sweaters, though.
• Sweaters.
• WTF?
• I told him I wanted a Blackberry.
• And perfume.
• And a new Michael Kors bag.
• To which he laughed and said, “Okay, now you’re pushing it.”
• I knew I was, I was mostly joking.
• But if he happens to find that white one I’ve had my eye on at the NEX, so be it.
• I’m not holding my breath.
• I don’t really want it.
• Or need it.
• But I want the perfume.
• Any perfume.
• I told him I wanted this one, I’ve told him about it before.
• But I changed my mind and said to pick something he likes.
• God help me.
• Ha.
• R likes none of my perfumes, really.
• So I’d like to wear something he likes.
• Even if he won’t be around to smell it on me.
• I’m not depressed about him leaving.
• Yet.
• I’m in a suspended reality where I’m used to him being gone.
• But with him still relatively safe being state-side.
• Most of the time.
• Most of the time being state-side, that is.
• Probably safe, too, come to think of it.
• R goes places and does things that he can’t always tell me about, until after the fact.
• It doesn’t really bother me.
• Until he tells me things that he does that I could have lived without knowing.
• So to clarify: It doesn’t bother me, when I don’t really know what’s going on.
• I always pretend he’s in San Diego no matter where he is anyway.
• Denial? I’m okay with it.
• Living this life is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
• And no one really understands unless they go thru it themselves.
• I would not trade it for anything, though.
• Every time I get down that he’s gone,
• And we haven’t been able to talk for a couple of weeks,
• I’ll read a few old emails.
• Or look at photos of us together.
• Or listen to our song (we finally decided on one).
• And I’ll remember…
• He’s worth it.
• It’s 3:30am.
• Maybe I’ll be able to sleep for a couple of hours.
• Let’s hope.
• I’ll let Adele sing me to sleep…