Too high strung for text messaging

7/20/2008 – 9:56 pm | by Mary

Let me start off by saying that I wasn’t even a bad mood on Friday when the following story transpired. I can possibly see one being in a bad mood and getting a questionable text and flying off the handle. However, finding oneself in a relatively good mood and going from 0 to 60 over, essentially, nothing? All Mary, all the time.

I was driving to pick up the kid from his dad’s house on Friday afternoon when I got a text from the dad. I had tried to call him to let him know but to no avail. The text said he was at work and therefore couldn’t answer. I replied (I was at a stop light so shut it) that I was picking up the teen and I got back: “Ok. Have a nice day.”

I instantly felt myself fill with annoyance. Like, who the fuck is the dad to tell me what kind of day to have? Was he being snarky, sarcastic, an asshole? You have to understand that the kid’s dad and I, while not always screaming at each other, rarely exchange pleasantries.

I hesitated a moment on what to type back. My head came up with a variety of possibilities: “Fuck you!” “I’ll have whatever kind of damn day I want, asshole!” “What the hell is THAT supposed to mean, butt nugget?”

I sat there a few seconds more and realized, the dad probably did just mean: have a nice day. Not really caring what kind of day I had but throwing it out not unlike many people do on any given day.

What brought me to this conclusion is the dad, he is not the brightest star in the sky. The sharpest tool in the shed. His Happy Meal is short a few french fries.

Not to say the man is dumb, he’s just not that smart. I used to lament how it seemed my best material was wasted on him. I would run circles around him in the put-down department and the best he could come back with would be something like, “Yeah, well… you’re fat.”

So the chances he had some underhanded, double meaning to his “Have a nice day” were pretty much slim to none.***

I calmed myself down enough to throw back: “You, too.” And was on my way to having a nice fucking day.

*** Through the course of the weekend and way too long phone conversations with the dad (way too long, meaning: longer than the 30 seconds it takes to say things like, “I’m picking up the kid”) I discovered the step-mom is going back to work in Vegas.

Apparently, despite being voted one of the top 12 hottest bartenders in Phoenix, she doesn’t feel she’s making enough money here. I think the dad expected me to shed a tear for him, ya know, since my boyfriend is off being a sailor. The correlation, though, DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Cut to Saturday when I was preparing this dinner for myself and the teen:

I get a text from R saying and I quote (hence the quotations):

“I told (name of girl in his unit) I wasn’t allowed to talk to her last night and she just about threw up on herself laughing. lololol”

Two things: Yes, I do readily admit to only half-joking when I tell R girls in his unit aren’t allowed to call him. It bugs me, okay? I know it’s silly and irrational but actually expecting people (yes, even girls) not to call him, I don’t mean it!

I know I’m joking, I hope he knows I’m joking, but does some random chick I’ve never met before know I’m joking?

Secondly, R should know I don’t take kindly to him sharing a laugh with any girl, about me. Even figuratively.

No, I’m not on some Other Sister (I see you, Court!!) type shit where I think everyone laughing is laughing about me.

But, one of the worst fights R and I ever had was over The Perfect Ex. If I could even begin to tell you how perfect R’s Perfect Ex is, you would laugh. WE’D ALL LAUGH. And then, we’d do a round of shots.

During this fight (we don’t really fight over The Perfect Ex anymore. Honestly, you go through so much with someone you get to the point where you’re like: You want to go back to her after all this? GO AHEAD) R uttered the unforgettable comment, “If Perfect Ex knew we were arguing about her, she’d laugh.”

That found all of R’s belongings once housed in our closet, straight onto the bedroom floor. Look, I told you it was a bad fight so quit with the sideways glances - YOU WERE WARNED.

So Saturday I’m in the kitchen, I look at that text and I was pissed. Don’t sit there and share a laugh with some chick I don’t even know, about me and expect me to find it funny.

You know what irritates me about R? He doesn’t always think before he speaks (or texts). I think he gets so comfortable with me that he thinks he can tell me anything.

On one hand, I do question getting mad at R when he does this, I do want him to feel he can share anything with me but on the flip side I’m thinking: Dude, I’m your girlfriend. I haven’t seen you in over a month, Lord knows when I’ll see you again. Sparing my feelings every once in a while doesn’t seem too much to ask.

I texted back something about how I was glad the silly civilian was able to provide such enjoyment to his unit mates and threw the phone down. I did also type, “I don’t want to talk anymore” but I erased it before sending.

You see, my epic stubbornness is only matched by R’s and he’d probably take that literally and not text or call for a week (oh wait, he does that now).

To his credit, R doesn’t play the “Let’s send more shitty texts to each other whereby getting more and more pissed and start a huge fight” game. Instead, he called me right away.

While it’s nice that he called to clear it all up, I didn’t really feel like talking. I was hurt, irritated and cooking dinner. And? R wasn’t all that apologetic over the whole thing. He didn’t get it.

It’s extremely hard being the person that is left behind. The person that does the leaving is on to different experiences, a new city, new adventures, doing something he loves and insanely busy. R’s in a really good place, mentally, right now.

I don’t want to discount that, I don’t wish that he was crying in his beer every night, missing me. I’M not crying in my beer every night, missing him. But I do wish he could understand a bit more. I do wish he could act, every once in a while, like he misses me. R still talks to me like we’re going to see each other tomorrow.

I guess that’s good, actually… I don’t know what I think. I do know that he needs to stop laughing at me struggling with this new life.

Or, maybe I should see about canceling my text messaging.

  1. 15 Responses to “Too high strung for text messaging”

  2. Betty on Jul 20, 2008 | Reply

    I wouldn’t find it funny either but I do think it’s really cute that he thought of you when this girl called. I mean, he could have just focused on this chick and why she was calling but instead he thought of you and how cute you are to forbid him to talk to other girls. That’s kind of sweet. :)

    For me, I think it’s easier to talk to Beetle like he’s still around. Mostly because it makes me weepy to think about another day/night without him but also because it makes me feel like we’re still connected and not living separate lives.

  3. Corey on Jul 20, 2008 | Reply

    I think it just comes down to men being from mars and all that shiznit. Chris still talks to girls that by all rights he shouldn’t talk to anymore and he doesn’t get why I don’t think that’s cool. In his mind, we’re happy, we’re secure and they aren’t a threat so he doesn’t see the issue what.so.ever. I want to smack him upside the head. I’m betting R’s thinking is along the same lines, you guys are a unit so what’s the big deal if he talks to some chicapoo? She’s not a threat to you. However he doesn’t think the way us girls think and there’s the issue. Then there’s the texting issue where men tend to leave out the part that would make all of us feel better. Like said girl was sitting there with her husband who is three times the size of R or that she was so not his type it wasn’t funny etc.

    Men!

  4. Nicola on Jul 20, 2008 | Reply

    There’s a huge difference between honesty and tact, and one guys just don’t seem to get. I’ve been there over and over again. Tact would have told R to keep his mouth shut. It’s one of those examples of where tact trumps honesty. And it’s not like he’d be being dishonest by not saying anything, it’s just… tactful! Maybe one day they’ll learn… *sigh*

  5. Mary on Jul 20, 2008 | Reply

    Betty: She didn’t actually call, they were out with a bunch of other people at some bar. Which I guess brings up residual feelings of when R is here, he never wants to do much. And I know it’s shitty to get irritated by that, that I practically have to drag R out of the house when he’s here, yet I do. I got this picture in my head of them just having a grand old time together, laughing at his silly gf back at home. I need help, and possibly… some meds… haha.

    I guess I’m not at the place yet where I’m okay with everything going on. I need to learn to be more like you.

    Corey: Yeah I know you’re right. He did say this girl was having problems with her ex and whatnot but I think it all boils down to, I’m a jealous person. I don’t trust a lot of women especially in some kind of “I’m having problems with me ex, hold me” type of deal. I hate that my ex had the effect on me that he did, but R’s offhandedness certainly doesn’t help the situation. I mean, we were talking about the freaking CAT when he sent that text. Okay, dude. *eye roll*

    Nicola: I was going to link to the Great Camo Skirt Incident of 2006, but I realized the post was password protected so I didn’t. R is just special. Like most men, I’m sure. I just don’t need to know some things!! Thank you, hon.

  6. Cereal Dieter on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    Um, so yeah, that is totally not funny. Men just don’t get it sometimes… but at least he is open and honest with you. I know it has to be just as hard on him as it is on you, being so far away from each other and all…. You both seem to be holding up well and your love will get you through this distance….

    OMG, I just sounded like a freaking hallmark card or something…. Sorry, I’m feeling sappy this morning.

  7. mia. on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    Okay, the Butt Nugget exchange was funny… I don’t take kindly to random co-worker I’ve never met having a laugh at my expense (I hope I don’t sound completely bitter - like Steve might have told me about a conversation he had with his female friend about me).

    Let’s talk soon…

  8. Angel on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    OK I so get where you are coming from, I really do (every woman in the military was a wh*re to me, yes I know but hey I was young) it sucked being the one left behind, especially once we had kids and I felt like he was out having fun and here I was, alone, with kids going everywhere with me and sharing my stress w/apple pie every night. But my husband once gave me his perspective and I had never saw it that way. We used to joke that if something was going to go wrong, it would be while he was away, and to him, there was always someone else there to “rescue me” (his words) our son split his head open, it was Doc Brown who helped me get him to the ER, apartment floods, my dad comes to help, etc.. and my hubby would feel so helpless and being a man and a husband he *hated* that. He said the adjustment for them comes when they come back, because life at home has still gone on without them and when he got back he felt left out and like he had to catch up. It seems strange. But it made me understand a little.

    Men don’t always think before they speak my dad told one of his CO’s (who is female), “My wife does not like you because you are attractive” when what my mother actually said was, “I wish you would treat me respectfully like you treat her” Yah uh huh…he’s a boob. LOL

    Ok so I wrote way too much, LOL I should’ve just emailed you!

  9. Mary on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    CD: Haha, you are so in loooove. Aww thanks honey.

    Mia: To be honest, I’m still pretty pissed at the whole thing. And? I totally think some single chick in his unit can either a) work out alone b) work out with other chicks. CALL ME JEALOUS. *shrug* I sure am glad she thinks I’m sooooooo funny.

    Angel: You make a lot of sense but R’s doing a piss poor job of making me feel included right now. To think, the person that everyone calls for advice/guidance/whatever the fuck is the worst at applying it to his life. I’m just really mad right now and I’m not going to stop being mad until R pulls his head out of his ass.

    See, he also picked apart the care package I sent him, which I kind of knew he was going to do because that’s his way. But I get 4 or 5 texts over what he didn’t like about it, and none that just said: Thank you. He should have little Miss Laugh Attack buy him shit to eat then since I’m so clueless. Sorry. I’m venting. Sigh.

  10. Angel on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    Oh yah he deserves a butt chewing for that. Why do they hit those “lack of appreciation” phases, is it because they are too comfortable, forgetful, or just boobs? Vent away girl, its theraputic and cheaper than the retail kind ;)

  11. Mary on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    Ya know, R’s not the most demonstrative, affectionate, sweet talking guy ever. I guess it’s my fault for thinking now that he’s away, he could be a little more so. Talking to him about this stuff (we attempted again last night) is going around & around in circles. He just doesn’t get it. But he can have all these people ALSO having relationship problems call him and he counsels them, BUT HE DOESN’T RECOGNIZE WHAT’S GOING ON IN FRONT OF HIS FACE.

    He’s lucky he’s in SD, because if he were here, I’d hit him.

  12. Toshiko on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    Yeah, I wouldn’t find it funny either. I would probably “ha ha… hell” back.

    Cereal Dieter said exactly what I wanted to… minus my “ha ha hell” lol

  13. Kari on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    That’s how A is too. Just doesn’t get it, but after reading this “His Happy Meal is short a few french fries.” I think I have found a new favorite and may have to try it out on someone. Ha ha!

  14. nancy k on Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

    i hear you girlie bird.

    you have a good one there, and r is mighty lucky as well.

  15. Friglet on Jul 22, 2008 | Reply

    Distance is always hard. Talking through text messages isn’t great either, because you can’t tell if the person is joking or serious.

  16. Mary on Jul 23, 2008 | Reply

    Toshi: Haha hell! Hmph. I’m gonna tell him that next time he calls.

    Kari: Or maybe his Happy Meal can be missing a few McNuggets, which is worse? :)

    Nance: Thanks babe. I wish he would remember that sometimes.

    Friglet: I guess that’s why R always calls and takes the wind out of my sails. haha!

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