Month Motherf’ing End
Goodness gracious am I glad this day is over. I love my job but the stress in getting the month closed … stresses me out. I’m so descriptive. There’s just no other way to put it, okay? Okay!
I started a couple of posts and even dug around in my drafts for some inspiration, tried to think of a funny story from my childhood to share… and I’m coming up with nada.
I think between MONTH MOTHERF’ING END and this toothache I’ve had since FRIDAY - my mind is otherwise occupied.
I will say, I’m doing a lot better with R away. I still cried when R and I got off the phone on Saturday. One of those “I’m not gon’ cry, I’m not gon’ cry, I’m not gonna shed no tears.” And then you choke out a big ol’ sob. Pathetic. *hold me*
But I didn’t cry while ON the phone with him - which I’m sure he appreciates. Ahem.
I have been thinking about R a lot, and things I miss about him. I wish I could say I appreciate all these things when he’s actually here but I don’t always. I know I’m not the only one that does this, as a conversation I had with my niece this weekend will attest.
I love my niece’s husband. He gets our family without having to explain a thing. Don’t you love people like that? You don’t have to sit there and explain: “Well, this is why I feel such and such”, or “This is why so-and-so and this person don’t get along.” He gets it.
I know he’s not perfect, what man is? (Ha. I’d be afraid to offend my male readers but - I don’t have any!) During our conversation, my niece confessed sometimes part of her wants to fight just to fight or she wants to say mean things because it’s easy to say them.
I understand. Sad to say, I did that up until a week before R left. I feel bad for it now. I know at the time I’m doing it that I’ll feel bad for it later. Yeah, I know it was that TOM but that’s no excuse. To even have a day or a night together now with R would make me so ridiculously happy. “Do you love me, honey? Well, do ya?!”
But you can’t turn back time. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. It makes you realize all of the missed opportunities of really sharing a good time together. That’s all men ever want, right? Be easy, be fun. They’re like dogs, licking and jumping all over you. And women are like cats: I love you, okay… no I don’t. Catch me! Okay, don’t catch me. Ew. Gross. Go away.
Mostly what I have been remembering of R is what amazing advice he gives. I’m not even kidding you when I say, everyone that meets R loves him. Whatever job he’s had, whoever he may come across… he’s real. He doesn’t bullshit but he listens, and he gives the best advice.
Sometimes, what he says may not be what you’re ready to hear. Sometimes you can get bitchy and yell but when you calm down and think about it - you know he’s right.
When R told me this weekend that he almost didn’t answer the phone when I called (no caller ID), due to all the calls he gets from people in his unit… I wasn’t surprised. I got a little testy when he said GIRLS call him for counseling, too, but… other than saying, “Don’t they have HUSBANDS they can call?” I had to laugh it off. That’s R!
The best advice R ever gave me, and he’s given me plenty (he makes me want to be a better wo-man!) is after my brother passed away.
I’m not trying to bring the party down, or illicit any sympathy… but this has come up a lot lately and it’s weighing on my mind.
I think it’s since I have been talking with more people at work about more personal things, nothing major, but it’s gotten around that I have 6 brothers and 2 sisters. Nine children, right? Yeah. It can get to be a topic of conversation. “Hey, did you hear Mary’s the youngest of 9 kids?”
Right after my brother passed away (which will be a year next month), I cried to R, “I don’t want to say I have 5 brothers. How am I gonna answer that question now? It’s not small talk!”
People always seem to ask that question. Maybe it’s something you don’t realize until you notice it all the time. Like when you’re trying to get pregnant and then it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant. Bad example. Everyone IS pregnant lately. ;)
Anyway, after wailing to R that I don’t want to answer that “sibling” question ever again, he said to me plain as day, “You say whatever you want to say.” So I do. I have 6 brothers, and always will. So simple, right? I say, “Six brothers and two sisters” without further discussion while I smile to myself and think of R and R.
I may bitch, and the minutiae of every day life can get boring, or little annoying things R does around the house when he’s here can throw me over the edge… but at the end of the day, I love R more than I’ve ever loved anyone outside of myself, my kid and my family. He IS family. And I miss him terribly.
But, I’m doing a lot better. :)
18 Responses to “Month Motherf’ing End”
inga on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
Ok girl, you know I’m already emotional over here. Don’t be adding fuel to the emotional fire, trying to make me cry! This was such a sweet post. R should be lucky to have you.
Damn that R!
Corey on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
I hear you on the “sibling” question. Technically I had/have a brother, just because he isn’t here anymore doesn’t eliminate him from being a brother. It’s such a hard question to answer and I always feel bad because I know that although I’m strong enough to answer, the answers to the “family” questions people ask me usually have them in a hole by the time they’re done prying (I should just go into new jobs - if I ever go to work for someone else again - with a note on my all family but husband dead, don’t ask about family unless you mean husband or cat).
*hug* Glad the cries are coming less m’dear!
Betty on Jun 30, 2008 | Reply
R is a smart man… and I think it’s perfectly fine to say you have six brothers. *hugs*
Frannie on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
You know, I always had that problem too, about the brother thing. I lost my bro in ‘95 and for some years there I didn’t know how to really say how many siblings I had when people would ask. I felt weird or like I was betraying Jesse when I’d say I only have 2 bros. But like R said, you just say what you wanna say. It’s up to you if you want to open the door on speaking about your loss or not. I find it much easier now to speak about him, because my heart has been healed, but it sure was a rougher back then. Phew. Time heals us, but of course we never forget. Love you Mary.
….and yes….R really seems like a wise one!! Seems like you both caught a great catch. Because you definitely aren’t so bad yourself toots!! *xoxoxo*
Jo on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Look, you need to warn me about these types of posts. Mmmkay! Crying at 8am is not sexy!
*reaches through monitor & gives Mare a hug*
Kari on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Wow that’s sounding kind of how my mind has been working lately. Minus the R. My ‘R’ who is an A isn’t so good at that. I’m my own cheerleader but only because I have to be. Oh well. You get the point. Glad the end of the month has come and gone for you Mar!
courtney on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better! I’ve met my brother once and havent talked to him in 8 years, but I still act as though he’s around all the time. Not quite the same thing, but you get me.
Alright, let me find some fruit and coffee…have a good day today!
Cereal Dieter on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Glad that you are feeling better…Sounds like R definitely gave you great advice on the sibling question. I think about all the shit I put J through on a daily basis and then when he was gone over the weekend (out of town and I couldn’t talk to him) I realized that getting along with him is much better than letting myself have that hissy fit.
Amn.eris on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
*sniff* I was so not prepared for this. Ayi!
(((HUGS)))
Mary on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
S on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Ugh. Now I am teared up! =)
And I agree with the others… You DO have 6 brothers. You always will!
MissPrissy on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
I totally understand missing your man like crazy, you have long periods of time where he’s away, that must be so hard. I hope he will be back home soon and for a long long time, long enough to annoy the living shit out of you…just so you can really appreciate him later:)
Angel on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
He is a great guy! You are a great couple. I agree absence does make you appreciate all that you have in a person. I just told my hubby the other day sometimes I miss him going away, the bliss, the bickering, the missing, all that stuff. But its tough. Sometimes I fight w/my husband purely to get his attention, I know this and yet I still do it. Its weird. But normal is so over rated ;)
Hang in there honey, you are so fabulous!
Mary on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Mike on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
ahem, you do have 1 male reader!
R sounds like a great guy, no doubt about it.
Mary on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Hot Girl Extraordinaire on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply
Oh my gosh - that was so beautiful!!
It was almost like listening to someone’s vows - hint, hint ;)
HGE
Mary on Jul 1, 2008 | Reply