Not So Blonde

Nonsensical Ramblings of a Sleep Deprived Crazy Person

Usually, I get irritated when R keeps me up and makes me tired at work. That right there is a far cry of when we were first dating - when he could keep me up for hours on end, I’d drag myself into work a mere couple of hours later, beaming to myself while letting the wings of love carry me throughout the day.

You DO remember R and I were long distance when we first dated, don’t you? You DO realize by me saying he kept me up for hours on end were by our marathon phone conversations, right? Why, you dirty, dirty dog.

Now that R and I more or less live together I have become glaringly aware of something. R doesn’t need a lot of sleep. There are plenty of nights he’ll turn on the TV really late, or toss and turn, or move to the couch altogether as to not to disturb my slumber. All of which wakes me, and keeps me up, and makes me grumpy at work the next day.

Well, today - TODAY, you see… I was probably the most tired I have ever been at work and I wasn’t mad at R. No, no… nooooo. You know why?

R went and left me again. You’d think I’d be used to this by now, and in some ways… I really think I am. I truly do. I kind of look around before he leaves… little things that bug me and I say to myself: Soon, he will be gone… won’t have to deal with THAT anymore…

And that’s not to say I’m glad he’s leaving, far from it. But I am, by all accounts, used to living alone. Yes, the kid lives here but you know kids - especially teens - you never see them! It’s like having a free-loader. One who eats all your food, drinks all your drinks (’cept the alky ones), uses a whole hell of a lot of electricity with that x-box and the best part? No rent!

I’m not sure where I’m going with this - so sleep deprived. And the kid has a game tonight. And his dad is working. It kinda makes me laugh. Life goes on. And on and on.

I got up at 3am with R and sat and watched a little TV (news, you know R) with him. I wasn’t going to get up. My body said “Oh, hell no!” but my mind said: “Get your ass up and spend the few last minutes with your man.”

So I got up. And stayed up. Couldn’t get back to sleep til about an hour before the alarm was set to go off.

I’m not looking for sympathy, trust me. This right here? Makes us a stronger couple. These absences? They definitely make the heart grow fonder. Those things that bugged me when R was here? I wish he’d come back and do them. All of them. Well, almost all…

You know what I love? I love when it’s about a week in and I get used to having R away. Spend time with the girls and not feel like I’m neglecting him at home. Not always cooking a fabulous (cha!) meal and just throw something quick together for dinner. Having the remote to myself and watching my trashy shows and not hearing any Tsks…

I’ll get there. I’m just not there… yet.

You want to know how I know? I was at work all of 10 minutes this morning when the receptionist asked me if I was feeling okay… and… insta-tears.

That girl is so sweet she grabbed me in one of the tightest hugs I’ve ever had - by a GIRL - and she said, “I’m here for you.” It was really sweet. It was so sweet and she’s so nice that my personal “work place” space just went with the hug. Hugs are good sometimes.

I’m glad I got it out early. See, I called in sick yesterday and when you call out at my job they send a company wide email letting everyone know. I’ve never worked somewhere that did that…

The rest of the day, random people stopped by my cube and asked if I was feeling better. I’m talking at least a dozen people. But, since I got it out early with the touchy feely scene with the receptionist, I was okay the rest of the day. Smiled and said: “Yes, much better. Thank you!” Ha! How funny is that?

I bought the receptionist a bag of Jalapeno Cheetos as a thank you. And an apology.

It’s the little things, people. The little things. Jalapeno Cheetos are the bomb. If you don’t know, now you know. Get some. Now!

I need to get ready for the kid’s game. You think anyone would notice if I showed up with a pillow?