If Loafing Ewe Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right
To start - I’m going to issue a blanket apology to everyone I exchanged emails with today, left comments on your blog that don’t make a damn bit of sense - or to anyone trying to read this now. I haven’t been going to bed at a proper time for the past 2 weeks so in an effort to compensate, I O.D.’d on caffeine today. Don’t get me wrong, I drink coffee every day but today, today, I drank twice as much as what is considered prudent for any human life. I feel out of it. All day I’ve felt like my brain was in a balloon tied to my wrist floating high above my head. Tra la la la.
This is Mary. There is her brain. Happy Mary with her balloon brain.
If you think brain holding balloons are bad or even that I actually just spoke of myself in the 3rd person, hold on there a minute! I thought of another way to torture R. Bwahahaha. I have so many ways to torture R that I have them catalogued and cross-referenced and whip them out where I deem appropriate.
R puts up with a lot, he really does. I’m about the moodiest bitch you ever have had the pleasure of being able to click the X when it gets to be too much - but poor R, he doesn’t have that option. (If he tries to use this post against me at a later date I’m denying its existence and I’ll order WordPress to follow suit.)
So anyway, right before we met up in San Diego, I felt a strong urge to tell R that I loved him. I held off though, because I knew we’d be seeing each other in a few days and I wanted to tell him in person. (Question: Is 3 months too early to tell someone you love them? I think it might be. I can’t be sure though because usually 90 days marks the point in my relationships where people stop being polite, they start getting real and I dump their ass.)
Back to the story. Picture it: the first night R and I got to California, we’re standing on the moonlit beach hugging each other. I’m thinking, “Oh my God, this is the perfect time to lay those 3 little bombs on him.” So I open my mouth and I say, “I think… I might… falling… you’re so awesome and… I just want to tell you…”
R looks down at me and he’s chuckling and he said some shit like, “I know what you’re trying to say and I feel the same.” And he grabs my hand and we start walking along the beach. At first I was pissed. I’m trying to look cute and you can’t look cute trudging along in heaps of dry sand. So I’m trudging and I’m fuming that R cut me off like he did. (See? Looking for shit to be mad about when I should be grateful he put me out of my misery.)
The rest of the trip, I was stumbling on the words not unlike I was stumbling in the sand so I resorted to saying, “Olive Juice.” I’d look at him and make a joke about it. Ollllllllive Juuuuuuice… Have you ever seen The Other Sister? Is it okay to laugh when you watch that movie? Cause I laugh my ass off whenever I see it.
Anyway, a couple more months go by and come to find out, the olive line annoys R. Like, nails on a chalkboard annoy. Psshaw. I don’t see why! But I had to think of another way to express myself, and fast. The olives were out… what to do, what to do!
I Google’d, I pondered, I Google’d again and I came upon this little guy here:
I email it to R with the words, “I loaf you.”
Oh, hush. Nobody ever accused me of being the brightest star in the sky. I’ll have you know the loaf was actually okay with R, he’s even sent the little love loaf back to me a few times when we’re arguing or just cause. Aww, cyber loaves of love.
R was being especially sweet to me today and understanding of the turmoil my life has become these past few weeks and I wanted to express my loving gratitude. Mr. Loaf is cute but today in my java-induced fog; I felt the need to punch it up a bit. The bread, he is stale. Enter:
Love ewe!
Huh? Huh?! How ‘bout that? R’s reply:
Oh gawd…lol …and I thought I ceased the capacity to be amazed…
I detect a bit of sarcasm in that email but in light of my ongoing quest to not find something wrong with every little thing the man does, I will choose to ignore it. Instead, I will choose to rejoice in the fact that he called me amazing. I am amazing. And so is he. I love you, R.
Now I must go find an antidote for all of this caffeine coursing through my veins so I can attempt to get a good night’s sleep tonight.
Thanks for listening.
18 Responses to “If Loafing Ewe Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right”
laurie on Jan 19, 2005 | Reply
hey me and the hubby do the olive juice bit!
you’re funny when you’re all wired up like that.
laurie on Jan 19, 2005 | Reply
omg. I just read the title of your post. muahahahahaha.
Mary on Jan 19, 2005 | Reply
It’s the java talking. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Nance on Jan 19, 2005 | Reply
Olive the olive juice! That might have been the best part of that whole movie!
Hopefully happy Mary and her happy green balloon can fly a wee bit lower…here’s hoping it’s pharmaceutical grade!
Cheers!
Nic on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
If you hadn’t been collecting ammo on my ass, I would have a great comment. Even I’ve bee making myself nauseous lately with B…however I don’t go as far to use the ‘veal olive loaf’. R is a funny dude. I’m surprised he hasn’t come up with his own little ‘catch phrase’.
sid on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
Bwahaha! brilliant! I’m copying that little loaf picture, printing out a high res copy, framing it and hanging it in my livingroom, dammit. Okay, I live in one room, so, livingroom-esque four foot square, lol. Also, I know how you feel with that caffeine isht. One time in kallij, I had caffeine water, coffee, and chocolate covered espresso beans in an effort to stay up to study for finals. Instead I was laid out on the floor under a classroom table trying to keep my heart from EXPLODING right outta my chest…nary a coherent thought in my head. Now even, like, maybe I should go to the hospital…
Loaf ewer (insert picture of pitcher) blog! bwahaha! Oh, pun fun. I loaf the punfun…
Margaret on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
Yeah, lay off the liquid crack.
seriouslyRandom on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
so how easy was it for sit and type the ‘3 words’ that you’ve been struggling to say for the past 3 months!? … And you didn’t even hide it under the “More” caption so R wouldn’t see it. You suckered out!!! :-)
Jerry on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
I think “R” needs to listen to Leykis 101.
Kelvin on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
…hard to image, but those 3 words can be a MONSTER to try and convey to someone…I mean what is REALLY the appropriate time to share that with someone?!?!
…in the words of the infamouse Tootsie Roll pop commercial….
“The world may never know”..LOL
Great post..
Toshiko on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
Lawd those pictures are TOO cute. I’m in LOVE with that slice of texas toast lmao. Is that a toy or something? I need to google and see if I can buy that damn thing.
Toshiko on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
And isn’t love just wonderful… lmao. I remember Chauncey saying “I love you” wayyyy before I could ever get it out. After all this time, I still have a really hard time trying to say pet names like sweetie or baby… matter of fact I probably only do it once or twice a year. :(
Juanita on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
Saying “I Love You” for the first time to a new someone is always akward…making it cute makes it memorable in the years ahead. My ex-ex and I did the Olive Juice thing until it drove me nuts. That’s what I get for letting him watch the Other Sister with me…but at least he said it!!
Mary on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
Nance: I think it was the best part of the movie, too. I think R needs to watch it to appreciate the line. And yes, I’m flying at normal levels today. ;)
Nic: He has. He says “Ditto” because he thinks he’s Patrick Swayze from Ghost. HAhaaaaa.
Sid: Oh God, don’t underestimate the power of the beans! I’ve eaten too many of those before without taking into account that I already DRANK some coffee. lol @ kallij. I was like - Whaaa? I thought it was a foreign country you visited. I loaf ewer blog, too!
Margaret: I go off it totally without making a trip to rehab. ;)
sR: Oh I’ve said it normally a few times but not often at all. Its why I make a joke about it. I think its fun to make jokes about serious stuff so if someone questions it, I can just say I was joking! R and I have been dating since July so its easier to choke it out than it was then.
Jerry: No! He tells guys not to date single mothers so that means R would have to cut me loose. No Leykis!
Kelvin: The world may never know … man, I forgot all about that commercial! :lol: Good one!
Toshiko: If you put in “loaf you” in Google Image the little dude pops up. It’s like a personal page he’s on though. I wish I could buy him, too. R would LOVE it. Heh. I say baby because R says baby but I feel kinda dumb with other things. “Honey” just can’t come out of my mouth unless I’m being sarcastic.
Juanita: My ex-husband would say Te Amo and I thought it was cute at first but it quickly drove me bonkers. R’s “Ditto” thing - Yeah I’m not sure I ever liked that. :lol:
laurie on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
I say sweetie, babe, sweetheart, honey, darling, love to everybody!!!
Mary on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
I say it to everyone, you, my other girlfriends, guy friends (note the space) but I don’t say them to R a lot. He’ll probably disagree with that. hehe
grayse on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
omg mary. I cracked up so hard over here. I want an R in my life. that was too considerate of him!!!
You on caffeine is definitely worse than me on Darvocets. I LUH YOU!! :)
Mary on Jan 20, 2005 | Reply
I must accept my limitations and stop myself at one cup. I wasn’t sure how R would take this post but he emailed and said it was cute and he thought it was going to be worse. :lol:
Luh u too Graysie!